On Fire

Am I the only one that tries not to notice the tabloid covers at the grocer's checkout, but inevitably reads a few headlines before swiping my debit card? I gave in again last night after stopping at HEB to buy the mandatory k-cups for the next morning's wake up call. This time, the bold print that lured my gaze was situated next to a photo, and read, "Katy Perry is on fire." I didn't take time to peruse the fine print, and it left me considering its meaning. It might indicate an incident of spontaneous combustion; on the other hand, it may be a slang expression meant to describe her pop culture ascension. Either way, the phrase surfaced some timely questions. Just the day before, a former student had posted a fiery comment to one of my blogs: "You were preaching the Kingdom of God with fire when you returned from Kenya & began teaching/ preaching/ mentoring at ETBU. This memory will last a lifetime!" I'm certain that his comment was meant to affirm my relationship to Christ, and although I greatly appreciated the sentiment, the inevitable follow-up question must be, "Have I lost the fire?" Does my behavior and demeanor still warm those around me and cause others from a distance to draw close in efforts to catch a spark that will ignite a fire of their own, or have the embers grown cool with time? How would I know? If I have lost the fire, can it fall again?

Life has changed since I stood daily in front of eager students and did my best to instill an appreciation for Bonhoeffer's "Cost of Discipleship", decipher Bernard of Clairveaux's "Four Degrees of Love", and challenge them to join Laubach in experimenting with practicing the constant conscious awareness of God's presence. Life is different. I'm different, but has time and change dimmed the heat? Have pain, disappointment, mistakes, choices, silence, and cultural noise muffled my impact and diffused the power?  Have I forfeited any gifts? Do I settle for insipid relevance and cower to comfort? While change is inevitable, must spiritual fervor be a casualty to time? Yes, there are wounds remaining to be healed and demons that linger, yet brokenness has always been the necessary tinder for spiritual awakening. Father, let my heart cry out with Evan Roberts of the Welsh Revival, "Lord, bend me!" Shape my thoughts, form my words, and direct my passion so that brokenness paves the way for prophetic impact. Make me a perpetual light, rather than a pathetic shadow. My heart joins in David's emotional refrain:

"Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee"(Psalms 51:12-13 KJV). Stoke the embers into life. Set my soul ablaze, Lord, and consume me once again with your holy fire. "Light yourself on fire with passion and people will come from miles to watch you burn" (John Wesley).